


How to Talk to Girls

by squidmemesinc



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, OiKage is also there but Hinata is too dumb to figure it out, Sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:44:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2630660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidmemesinc/pseuds/squidmemesinc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kageyama leaves his phone at Hinata's house, Hinata decides to have a little fun by texting some of his friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Talk to Girls

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I have a headcanon now that Oikawa reads shitty erotica, because that's seriously what his sexting style is like.
> 
> EDIT: Hey hey HEYYYY ;) I wrote this story in November 2014 but I just came back and edited it July 2015 because there were some things that were bothering me (cough, incorrect characterization of OiKage relationship) soooo here it is, longer and hopefully better.

As soon as Hinata notices Kageyama’s phone on the floor of his room, it’s all downhill from there.

He practically pounces on it, mind already swimming with possibilities. He’s going to get Kageyama _so good_. He’s going to get Kageyama’s friends, too. This is an ultimate pranking possibility, and he is not going to pass it up. He just hopes Kageyama doesn’t notice that he doesn’t have his phone on him for a while, but he thinks that’s possible, if not likely. Kageyama never texts back right away, so Hinata’s pretty sure he doesn’t check his phone that often. He might get all the way home before he realizes it, and by then it’ll be more effort to come back to Hinata’s house than to wait for him to bring it to school tomorrow.

First, he checks Kageyama’s favorites. It’s a short and boring list; it only consists of ‘Mom,’ ‘Dad,’ and ‘Hinata.’ He supposes he should be flattered, but in actuality, he feels he doesn’t have time to dwell on superficial things like flattery, so instead he just clicks over to the full list of Kageyama’s contacts.

There are a couple of girls’ names in Kageyama’s phone, all of which are exciting possibilities. He could confess to some of them. But then he rethinks that idea; it would be mean, if they actually somehow liked Kageyama back. Sure, Kageyama is good-looking, but he has a terrible personality, and he'd probably make most girls cry. So maybe he won't text any girls.

There’s also everyone on the volleyball team. He could mess with Tsukishima a bit—or on second thought, maybe not. Tsukishima would probably figure it out, with his freaky super-smart alien brain. He doesn’t really want to talk to Tsukishima any more than is necessary, anyway.

Hinata finds that a lot of the names are unfamiliar to him, but he notices several of them have a label on them that says ‘Kita Dai VB,’ which he presumes must be his old volleyball team from middle school.

He stops scrolling when he reaches the name ‘Oikawa Tooru.’

Hinata wanders over to his bed, staring at Kageyama’s phone and the contact on it. He flops down and rests his chin on his pillow, holding the phone out in from of him. This guy…could be the perfect target of his first prank. Kageyama doesn't exactly hate him, but from what he's said, he doesn't think they got along all that well in middle school. Whenever Hinata has asked about him he always looks angry and his face gets red and he changes the subject.

Hinata doesn't really hate him either, but if Kageyama is his rival, and Oikawa is Kageyama's senpai, then that probably makes Oikawa Hinata's grandrival or something. Like grandparents, but with volleyball. And Oikawa beat them at the Interhigh, so he has a personal score to settle with him. But for the whole team, of course.

So, that's settled. 

Now, how to start?

Hinata kicks his feet on his bed, thinking. Maybe if he initiates the conversation, Oikawa will give him something to springboard off of. He tries to think of how Kageyama usually starts conversations with him. Something like ‘Oi, dumbass,’ usually. But Kageyama is also sort of polite to strangers and people who are older than him, most of the time, so maybe he'd leave out the profanities. Alright.

 **You:** _Hey_

Short and sweet. That should get some kind of response, since he didn't offer any other kind of indication of what the conversation might be. Mostly because he doesn't know yet. Oikawa is a wildcard.

Hinata stares at Kageyama’s phone for a minute or so, waiting eagerly for a response. It hadn't quite occurred to him that whoever he chose might not reply right away. He hates people who text slowly, which seems to be most people, except for him. The only other person who ever responds quickly enough to satisfy him is Nishinoya. Maybe he should text him instead.

As he’s pondering up a route he could lead Nishinoya down, about ready to start composing a message, Kageyama’s phone buzzes.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _Oh, Tobio-chan, what an unpleasant surprise_ _（；_ _¬_ _＿_ _¬) I wonder what you could possibly want?_ _ヾ_ _(*_ _ゝ_ _ω_ _・_ _*)_ _ﾉ_

Hinata smiles, pleased that his original plan is back in action. His expression drops a little when he reads the message again. The emojis kind of confuse him, since Oikawa seems to be both pleased and displeased that Kageyama is contacting him. He stares for about thirty seconds, trying to decipher, and then decides it doesn't matter because the last one he put in looked positive. 

So. What could he pretend to want? What would be horribly embarrassing for Kageyama…? He could demand Oikawa teach him that killer serve, but then if Oikawa somehow agreed, that would be just another opportunity for Kageyama to surpass Hinata, so that isn’t a good option. Not unless he gets Kageyama to teach him the serve too.

Something that wouldn’t benefit Kageyama at all…

Oh!

 **You:** _Teach me how to talk to girls._

He was inspired by his earlier thought process, when trying to determine who he should prank. Of course, Oikawa knows how to talk to girls, and definitely Kageyama doesn’t. Imagining Kageyama holding a normal conversation with a girl is funny, but imagining him trying to flirt with one is hilarious.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _Pass._

As if he hadn’t been expecting that. Hinata smirks and types furiously into the phone.

 **You:** _I’ll do something for you. Anything. Name your price._

He can make a promise Kageyama will either have to keep or weasel his way out of. Nice.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _Ohh? Are you sure you want to go down that road with me Tobio-chan? ←_ _～（_ _o_ _｀_ _▽_ _´ )oΨ_

Heh, Kageyama sure is going to be in trouble.

 **You:** _Yeah. Just tell me what you want, dumbass._

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _Come over on Saturday. (_ _・｀_ _ω´_ _・_ _)_

Hinata frowns, confused. All he wants is for Kageyama to come over and hang out? Weird. And kind of lame. Isn’t Oikawa supposed to be, like, super popular? Doesn’t he have better friends than Kageyama? Well, if it moves the conversation forward…

 **You:** _Fine_

There’s a long pause, and Hinata wonders if Oikawa has changed his mind. He rolls over on his side and watches the phone, waiting impatiently for a response. After a couple of minutes, it buzzes again.

 **Oikawa Tooru** : _Send something like this:_

_I push you up against the wall, pinning your wrists with my hands, leaning in close. I smile and lean in close to your face, my breath tickling your lips. I watch you as you let your eyelids drift closed, expecting me to kiss you, and then I let you wait for a minute, until you’ve almost given up, before I softly brush my lips against yours. I kiss you tenderly a few times before sucking your lower lip between my teeth and pressing down until you gasp. Your hands twitch under my grasp, but I do not release them, instead pressing at the seam of your lips with my tongue._

Hinata stares and stares at the message. What the heck just happened? That’s…not something Hinata would ever consider sending to a girl. His face is a little hot and red from reading it. And after reading it, he gets the feeling he’s being toyed with. Oikawa doesn’t intend to help ‘Kageyama’ talk to girls; he’s trying to get under his skin.

How should he proceed? What would be the best way to get the upper hand back on this prank? What would be the most embarrassing for Kageyama?

He considers a few possible responses, imagining how Oikawa would respond to each of them. Maybe the best thing to do is…to play along. To make it embarrassing for Kageyama, of course, if he reads these messages later…

 **You:** _Then if she says something like this?:_

_I open my mouth for you and let your tongue into my mouth. I let you thrust your tongue against mine and moan because it feels really good and I want you to do it more. So you do and I moan more and try to get my hands free again. I want to put my fingers in your hair._

Hinata’s face is even redder after typing this. He’s certainly never sent messages like this to any girl before, or even thought about it. Oikawa must be some kind of pervert.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _Then try this next:_

_I oblige your tongue with mine and stroke the roof of your mouth. I bring your hands together above your head and keep them together with just one of my hands, moving the other to your waist. I nudge my knee between yours, urging you to let me in, and when you do, I press my thigh firmly between your legs, rolling it up to pleasure you._

Hinata shifts his legs, trying to ignore the heat he's starting to feel there. This is just pretending, it's not supposed to have any effect on him. He’s pretending to be a girl, and Oikawa is pretending to be Kageyama, or something like that. But really, if it’s this embarrassing for him, Hinata can’t imagine how a girl would feel about talking like this. But still, he presses on.

 **You:** _I moan again at your leg. It feels so good, I want to press back down on it too. I keep kissing you with lots of tongue, and I bite your lip and tongue. I want you to make noises for me too._

He feels like that was kind of short, but he doesn’t really know that much about this kind of thing in the first place. Oikawa, the apparent pervert, seems more knowledgeable, so Hinata's counting on him to move things along.

He realizes belatedly that he forgot to preface it with something about how he’s pretending to be a girl saying this. Somehow, that seems like a problem. But it’s too late to change it now.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _I keep rolling my leg up between yours, feeling you swell up with pleasure. I slip my hand slowly up under your shirt, trailing my fingertips lightly over your stomach, your ribs, up to your chest. I find your nipple between my fingers and twist and pull it gently, savoring the little mewls you make._

Hinata is starting to be aware that he’s getting a little hard. He reasons that it's probably okay. This is basically...well, it's basically porn. He's watched porn before, and it's okay. Somehow this is better. Maybe he just prefers written porn to filmed porn? Still, he wonders how far Oikawa is planning to take this. Surely he’ll probably stop soon.

 **You:** _I groan against your mouth. It feels so good wherever you’re touching me, I really want you to let me touch you back. I struggle against your hands more. I hate feeling like I can’t do anything. I’m getting all the attention, and it’s embarrassing._

Even though he says that, he really thinks he should stop soon, because he’s definitely, no doubt about it, half-hard now. He can’t get turned on from talking to a guy, right? He’s not gay. But he’s pretending to be a girl, so it’s normal, right?

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _I chuckle against your lips, noting your struggle, and finally take pity on you. I let your hands find their way onto me and keep teasing your nipple between my fingertips._

 **You:** _I push my hands into your hair and pull on it passionately and moan deeply against your mouth, moving my hips against your leg. I love having you touch me, and now that I can touch you too, I’m even more aroused. I never want it to stop._

‘I never want it to stop’? Why did he say that, if he wants Oikawa to stop? Crap, now he’s going to get in trouble. He’s pretty much completely hard now… But… Would it really hurt to keep going? To keep texting him at least until he got off?

Hinata rests his hand on his stomach cautiously, debating with himself about slipping it under the waistband of his shorts. He looks down, notices a rather obvious tent, and swallows. He slides his fingers into his clothes and wraps his warm hand around his erection, holding the phone with the other.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _I suddenly move my hands down to your thighs and hoist you up to hook your legs around my waist. I carry you over to the bed and set you down on it, crouching over you. You lie, disheveled, under me, looking up at me with big, wide eyes. I kiss your cheek to let you know it’s okay, that I’ll be gentle. I slowly slide your pants and underwear down your legs, exposing you. I rub my hand along the junction between your legs, over your most sensitive parts, kissing your neck as you whine and keen into my touch._

Hinata is a little thrown off at first by the mention of pants, since he’s been imagining a girl in a school uniform, but then a new image besides the anonymous faces of Male Student and Female Student pop into his head. He imagines Oikawa Tooru crouched over him, fingers curling around his balls, wrapping around his length, and gasps. The image only lasts a second, and he can barely believe it, but it really turns him on even more. How can he be turned on by thinking about another guy touching him? But he still has to reply. He tries to conjure up the image of the identity-less students again, the boy and the girl.

 **You:** _I gasp and buck against your hand. It feels so good. I put my hands on your back and scratch across your shirt, pulling you close to me. I want to be even closer. Please, Oikawa-san…_

Hinata didn’t mean to use his name, but he had typed it out by accident and pressed send on reflex. Shit. Oh well, this is Kageyama’s phone anyway. Oikawa thinks it’s Kageyama he’s talking to. He moans and keeps pumping his hand over his cock.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _I press two fingers inside of you and start to thrust them. I suck at the tender flesh of your neck, leaving my mark on you so everyone will know that you’re mine. When you’re prepared enough, I draw my fingers out and undo my pants. I lift your legs up and line myself up with you, pushing in slowly. I start to thrust into you at a steady but easy pace, teasing you up to the height of pleasure._

Another image of Oikawa comes unbidden into Hinata’s head. He read once about how two guys do it, and suddenly that part of him is clenching as if he can feel Oikawa… He can’t even finish the thought. He shakes his head, but his hand doesn’t stop moving, and he's panting out hot breaths.

 **You:** _I buck against you. I can feel you inside me, and it feels so good. I keep my grip on your shirt tight as I get closer and closer. I’m so close now, so close_

Hinata can barely type at this point, so he drops the phone and keeps stroking himself with wilder and wilder movements, still imagining the tall, broad setter from their rival team over him, moving in him, and he comes not too long after.

Dazedly, panting, he lies there for a couple of minutes, the half-typed message waiting for completion in the phone he basically abandoned to be left in the covers of his bed.

What the hell?! He just got off from texting Kageyama’s former teammate. Kageyama's former senpai. He just imagined Oikawa Tooru...doing things to him. And he _liked_ it.

Hinata hears the phone buzz to the side of his head. He reaches over for a Kleenex from the box next to his bed and cleans himself up a little bit, wanting to be able to text with both hands again.

When he reads the text, his eyes go wide with horror.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _I take it you enjoyed yourself, Tobio-chan’s friend?_

What the hell? How had he guessed that?

But now that he thinks about it, after the first few texts, he wasn’t trying very hard to act like Kageyama. Would Kageyama really have replied like that? Kageyama probably would have been even more embarrassed than he was. He wouldn't have humored.

He has no idea what to say now that he’s been found out.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _No need to be embarrassed. I’m always happy to lend my services to those in need, since Tobi-chan doesn't mind. And I won’t even ask for anything in return, since you’re not him._

“Since Tobio-chan doesn’t mind”? What the heck does that mean? Why would Kageyama care who Oikawa was sexting?

He doesn’t get a chance to figure it out before Oikawa texts again, distracting him from the subject.

 **Oikawa Tooru:** _But, you might want to delete those texts before you give his phone back to him._

Hinata decides he will take that advice.

Afterwards, he buries his face in his pillow again, trying to pretend he didn’t just get off by sexting Oikawa Tooru.


End file.
